


He's so Devoid of Color he Doesn't Know What it Means

by GhostieCandy



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, also i think about how much ferdie changes in battle after the timeskip a LOT, nothing explicit though!!, slight spoilers for the black eagles route maybe?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 16:49:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20492039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostieCandy/pseuds/GhostieCandy
Summary: When you meet someone with a good heart, you can't help but feel undeserving of it when yours is cold and dark.Inspired by @rasstegai on twitter!!





	He's so Devoid of Color he Doesn't Know What it Means

**Author's Note:**

> This work was inspired by this wonderful comic by @rasstegai on twitter! Please check out their work their art is stunning! https://twitter.com/rasstegai/status/1164622870212988929

Tired but content half-lidded eyes, almost covered by dark amber hair look up at his, trying to stay open as the man basks in the afterglow of their shared night, his hands are calloused from welding a lance every day for five long years but the touch is feather-light and soft on his bare thigh. The warm smile the man laying next to him is much too sweet, he is undeserving of such a precious sight.

“If you want, I can take you back to your quarters.”

“Nonsense, I wish to stay right here with you.”

“You’ll most likely be seen leaving here in the morning.”

“To be honest, I really don’t care who sees me, do you?”

“No.” And he truly didn’t… but knowing Ferdinand was getting this comfortable made Hubert anxious as much as it made him happy. This started with no love, the only thing that drove them was lust, nobody knew what they did at night, almost every day was a fight for their lives so they didn’t care.

As time has gone on it has grown much more personal and Hubert didn’t know if he liked it. Everything was truly intimate now but nothing was official and he didn’t know if it ever would be, did Ferdinand feel the same way? Or was this just him being nice like he always is? Hubert was so good at reading any person or situation like an open book but this was one he couldn’t and it drove him mad.

Hubert clears his throat before his mind consumes him completely. “You’re tired, go to sleep.”

“Are you not going to sleep with me?”

“I’m not tired enough, I’ll be up for a bit longer.”

“I’ll wait then.” 

“You’ll fall asleep waiting for me, you might as well just sleep now.” He wanted to add ‘love’ to the end of it but he stops himself.

Ferdinand juts out his bottom lip in a fake pout. “Fine, try to sleep soon though, I'm sure it’s rather late already.” He sits up and gives him a kiss, his hand resting on Hubert’s cheek. It’s a short one, when he pulls away Hubert already misses the warm touch of his hand on his cheek and the soft feeling of his lips against his. With that, Ferdiand lays back down and turns to face the wall.

Hubert simply rests his head in one of his hands as he stares down at the bed, almost completely unmoving.

He isn’t sure how long he’s been sitting like this anymore. An hour? Or maybe a few? He’s lost track, the few candles that are lit aren’t much help to him, he isn’t sure how short they were went first lit. He finally moves again in goddess knows how long and glances over to the left to see the hurriedly discarded clothes that lie everywhere, it’s going to be quite the time when they have to get dressed in the morning and having to find every article of clothing that's thrown all over the room. He finally looks over to the right of him, greeted by beautiful long hair splayed out all over.

It makes Hubert’s heart swell and he hates it, he wasn’t supposed to feel like this. He didn’t want to feel like this but he loved the feeling Ferdinand gave him, it was selfish. He wondered… did he ever make Ferdinand feel like this?

He goes to reach out to run his fingers through his hair but pulls back, looking at his hand.

For half a second he sees a hand covered in blood.

He was a monster, Ferdinand wasn’t. He still had some humanity. Hubert had done the most foul, awful, horrible things to so many people for Her Majesty, not even Edelgard knew all the things he’s done for her goal. He has been cutting a bloody path for her since he was a child so she wouldn’t have to dirty her hands. He had no right to feel the soft fluttering in his heart. Not when he’s taken that feeling from so many others with his own two hands, he wonders how many were mothers, he wonders how many were fathers, he wonders how many parents grieve the loss of their child because of him.

He wonders if he’s made somebody a widow.

He knows the answer to all of these is many. 

He’s a dark human being. He even sees the changes in Ferdinand. When they were students he was optimistic in battle, saying how he was doing a noble’s duty, proclaiming who he was with his chest puffed out, now it’s completely different, he’s like a different person, his goal was to survive and nothing else. Brows furrowed in determination turned into a blank stare, a voice booming in pride became dull and almost monotone. 

It hurt Hubert to see the happy young boy he once knew on the battlefield turn into stone, just trying to live to see the next sunrise.

Ferdinand was growing to be much more similar to himself in that sense and even though true war changes a man, Hubert couldn’t help but blame himself.

Hubert doesn’t sleep that night. He watches at light pokes through the windows.


End file.
